I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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