Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
