Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
