Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
