I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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