every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
