I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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