i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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