i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
