around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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