Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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