i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Houston, we have a squirter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize