Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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