You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
