so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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