im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Betty ford says i'm here all night
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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