thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
