you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
