the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
