I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
