broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
