soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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