Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
