a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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