I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
