I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
