When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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