But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
