If you die in college, do you die in real life?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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