ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
