I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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