theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize