Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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