just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
