i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
