to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
