We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
