Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
