Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
