billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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