Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
