We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
