I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
