I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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