i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I deserve this hangover.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize