Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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