You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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