guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
