Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
