Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
