My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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