Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
