Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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