why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize