Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
