everyone is single if you try hard enough
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
