just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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