I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
