i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're like the curious george of whores
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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