Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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