i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
