i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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