oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
