Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
